Anyone who has experienced rejection—which means everyone—knows that it is not a good feeling. Being rejected from a college that a student really wanted to attend can be a painful experience. But students (and parents) should remember that a denial from a school is not a reflection of the applicant’s worth as a person. Nor does it mean that the student would not have been able to succeed at the school, if s/he had been admitted. And it certainly doesn’t mean that students cannot have a wonderful college experience elsewhere.
It is normal to be sad after receiving a denial letter, but students (and parents) should remember that there are plenty of other schools where they can have an excellent education and experience, schools that will prepare them for bright futures. Students should also remember that by applying to a balanced list of colleges, they’ve already ensured that they’ll be able to attend a school that fits them. Having a balanced list means students have applied to reach schools (student might be admitted), range schools (student will likely be admitted), and foundational schools (student is extremely likely to be admitted). The key is to fill each category with good-fit schools, schools a student will be happy and excited to attend. That way, students will always have great options when admissions decisions start rolling in.
One important thing that students can do to minimize the sting of a college rejection is to focus on where they have been admitted. Look at the offers from the colleges and refer to the notes from earlier college research. Read up on what the freshman year is like. Check out college websites for more information on the schools that have admitted the student (such as courses being offered next fall, special events, extracurricular activities, whatever a student desires to know more about). Revisit the campus to get a feel for what campus is like after being admitted. It may also help that when students return to the campus, the school will be wooing them (who doesn’t love that?!?), with many events to entice students and get them excited about attending. In short, students should allow themselves to feel excited at the prospect of attending college in the fall and the new experiences that they will have—the independence, the freedom, the learning, the fun. These techniques can help students focus on the fact that they’ll be going to college very soon, and that they have much to look forward to, even if they didn’t gain admission everywhere.
While we all hate being rejected, being denied by a college is not the end of the world. Students should honor their feelings of sadness, but they should also remember that a denial is definitely not a rejection of them as people and says nothing about their chances for success in life. The best way to appreciate that is to focus on the wonderful schools that have admitted them, and figure out which one suits them best. They should bask in the excitement of attending college in the near future. Above all, students and parents should remember that an excellent college experience ultimately depends on what a student puts into it, no matter where that may be.
